... grow a mustache.

Mustaches are a thing of beauty. A thing of power. A love affair that every man should indulge at least once in his life. If for no other reason than... he can.

Let's face it, women work tirelessly to ensure they remove as much hair from their bodies as they can. We men, on the other hand, are able to revel in our furry coats and stubbly faces. In fact, we are celebrated because of it. Don't believe me? 3 names:

Burt Reynolds. Magnum PI. Yosemite Sam.

Let yourself in on the secret.

Know what it feels like to sit across from a woman while she shamelessly stares at your luscious lip decoration.

Tickle your tongue with your wiry whiskers.

Begin to live.

... send flowers.

Or, present them in person.  

On second thought, if possible, they should always be presented in person.

Now, this is no big secret.  Girls like flowers.  ALL girls like flowers.  I don't care if they say they don't, they do.  for several reasons.

• Girls are pretty... and soft.  So are flowers.  It is a natural fit.

• They can put them in a vase and display them in their house.  Therefore, whenever someone sees them they can brag on you.  

• Even if they say they don't like flowers, they like being appreciated.  There are few better ways to appreciate a woman than surprising her with flowers.
  

So, in my research I found out a few things that can guide us in our endeavor.  Unfortunately, one of the things I found was that all women are different.  Seriously... I couldn't believe it either, but they are.  Here are some guidelines:

1. DON'T BUY CARNATIONS!  -  This is the one thing that I heard from every single girl that I talked to.  I don't know why... don't really care.  Just don't do it.
2. "Flowers" does not always mean a dozen roses.  You have to know what will make your girl feel great.  Perhaps tulips.  Perhaps a sunflower.  Perhaps something you picked on the side of the road.  If you don't know what kind of flowers she would like, you have greater things to worry about than sending flowers.
3. Don't send flowers in the mail.  If you are not around to deliver yourself you need to pay the extra money to have a local shop drop them off.

Get to know your local florist, or start growing some in a pot because this is a trick that every man should have up his sleeve.

... read Lonesome Dove.

Captain Augustus McCrae and Captain Woodrow F. Call are my friends.  Or, perhaps they are more like my heroes.  Whatever it is, they are definitely deeply engrained into my soul.  These two former Texas Rangers are the fulfillment of everything I dreamed of being myself as I was growing up.

Now, I realize that they are simply characters that Larry McMurtry dreamed up in the 1970's, but they have lived in the pages of Lonesome Dove since that time, as well as the hearts of countless young men.

Lonesome Dove is the tale of McCrae and Call, two retired Texas Rangers that live on the Texas side of the border town Lonesome Dove.  It is the epic tale of these two cowboys, their lives together, and their last adventure together.  After a life of fighting Comanches on the Texas plains they decide to move a herd of cattle to Montana.  Along the way they come across Indians, whores, lawmen, and everything else that one would expect from the western frontier.

Of course, after you read the book you can enjoy the 8 hour mini-series that pits Robert Duvall as McCrae and Tommy Lee Jones as Call.  They took the time to do it right, and it is great... especially after you have read the book.

Lonesome Dove.  Read it.

... be able to open a beer bottle.

With something other than a bottle opener, of course.

I spent 2 wonderful months living in Mexico during the summer of 2002.  Among many things, one of the most important things I learned was ingenuity.  One day while riding the bus from Guaymas to San Carlos a little girl boarded holding a zip-lock bag full of water with a straw sticking out of it.  A homemade Capri Sun.  Genius.  I sat in my seat wishing I had been as smart as that little girl when I was her age.

Another thing that I learned... quickly, was how to open a bottle using almost any common object.  I didn't see a traditional bottle opener the entire time I lived in Mexico, and none of the bottles are twist off.  It makes perfect sense when you really think about it.  A bottle cap is attached to the bottle by clamping a tiny piece of metal around a glass lip.  By creating a simple lever anyone can pop that sucker off.

I was taught by my trusty Mexican friends that the most important thing in this process is the fulcrum.  You have to grip the top of the bottle with your full hand, anchor with your pinky, and create a fulcrum (your pointer finger) that is even with or higher than the cap itself.  Then, just grab something that won't break, wedge it under the cap, and push down.  In my observation, the most common (and easiest) things used are:

1)  A Lighter

2)  A Pocket Knife

3)  Handle end of Silver Ware

It is simple physics, and an even simpler way to open a bottle.  

... have an adequately stocked bar on hand.

There is something romantic about watching Don Draper sip whiskey from his low ball glass.  Of course, if you haven't had the pleasure of watching Mad Men, perhaps Jack Donaghy has struck that chord with you.

I have no doubt that in each of their homes (their fantasy TV homes that is) you will find an immaculately stocked bar.  Full of crystal and fancy stirring spoons.  While we don't all have the funds, or drinking habits, to allow for the full set-up, we should still have the basics.  The upfront investment will be significant, but it will pay dividends when the girlfriend's father stops by and you can offer him that gin and tonic with a confident wink.

You could go ahead and shell out a few hundy up front, or accumulate this stuff over a bit of time.  However, you should be able to accommodate most people's taste with this simple set up.

SPIRITS

Vodka

Gin

Rum

Tequila

Whiskey (Bourbon or Scotch preferably) 

ADDITIONAL SPIRITS

Vermouth (Sweet and Dry if possible)

Coffee Liqueur

ADDITIONAL BEVERAGES

Bottle of Red Wine

Bottle of White Wine

6 pack of Beer

MIXERS

Tonic 

Soda Water

Coke (Diet & Regular)

Ginger Ale

Juice (Orange/Cranberry/Tomato)

GARNISHES

Lemon

Lime

Olives

Cherries

GLASSWARE/TOOLS

Cocktail Shaker

Lowball Glasses (4)

Highball Glasses (4)

Wine Glasses (at least 4)

So, here is the deal.  This probably looks like a lot, but you more than likely have a lot of it sitting around anyway.  With the stuff above you will be able to throw together all the basics.  And the fact is, that is basically all it takes to look like a hero.

... give.

"Think of giving not as a duty but as a privilege."  - John D. Rockefeller

"I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver."  - Maya Angelou

"No one has ever become poor by giving."  - Anne Frank

Every man should give.  In his own way.  To whomever he is able.

... have a baseline knowledge of sports.

Every man is not a sports fan.  Certainly, there are enough sports nuts to make up for the fellas that don't really get into sport.

However, you just never know when you will be at that party/dinner/swap meet and need to reach deep down to pull out the limited sports knowledge you possess.   At a very minimum, every man should be prepared with several key points of sports trivia.

COLLEGE SPORTS

Previous years National Champion for:

Football - The University of Florida (2008)

Basketball - The University of Kansas (2008)

Heisman Trophy Winner:

Sam Bradford (2008)

PROFESSIONAL SPORTS

Previous year's Champion in each major sport:

NBA - Boston Celtics (2008)

MLB - Philadelphia Phillies (2008)

NFL - Pittsburgh Steelers (2008)

NHL - Detroit Redwings (2008)

Now, if you really want to be polished you should know the MVP's of each league from the previous year:

NBA - Kobe Bryant (2008)

MLB - Albert Pujols (NL 2008) / Dustin Pedroia (AL 2008) **

NFL - Peyton Manning (2008)

NHL - Alex Ovechkin (2008)

** Some will argue that Cy Young is as important in MLB.  I will oblige:

2008 Cy Young Winners - Tim Lincecum (NL 2008) / Cliff Lee (AL 2008)

Of course, if you are with more refined company you might want to read up on soccer, but we'll leave that for another time.  Now get out there and go crazy sports fans.

... appreciate good songwriting.

Of course, every man must figure out what he considers good songwriting on his own.  This pretty much sums it up for me.  I cried when Guy sings the final verse.

... be able to grow his own food.

My Grandfather had a garden.  Two in fact.  One in his backyard and a community garden that he was a part of.  He was responsible for the corn.

I remember from a young age admiring Paw Paw's ability to tend the soil in such a way that produced immaculate fruits and vegetables.  Salads at Paw Paw's house were something to be cherished.  Of course, we didn't appreciate the spinach at that time, but every summer we would cover our faces with sticky peaches.

I had a chance to spend a few hours in the car with Paw Paw the other day.  He can't hear very well, so he likes to do most of the talking (he is 89 now).  I can't think of a better way to spend a couple of hours.  So, I asked him to tell me about gardening.  This is 2 hours distilled down to a few bullet points:

• SOIL - This is the most important thing.  Period.  If you have bad soil, nothing will grow.  You will probably have to amend your soil to some degree with compost or some other organic matter.  
  
  
• While gardening can be a very complex endeavor, Mother Nature is very smart, and generally takes care of things.  You just have to work with her.  There are 5 basic elements to consider.  Soil, Compost, Seeds, Water, and Sunlight.  Now, it is up to you to figure out the right combination.
  
  
• Grow what you like to eat.  There is no use spending any time growing something you aren't excited about.  The reward is what will motivate the effort along the way.  (of course, consult a gardening book or the internet to figure out what grows in your area during any specific season)
  
  
• Start small.  Get yourself a pot and grow tomatoes on your porch or herbs on a windowsill.  You can always expand, but it is pretty hard to put your yard back together.

I'll get started now, and hopefully have some homegrown tomatoes to put on my sandwiches by summertime.  I think Guy Clark had it right...

NEWER AND BETTER QUALITY VIDEO HERE

... be able to sew a button.

There are certain things in life that you need to ask for a woman's help with.  Selecting the right cologne, for instance. 

However, when you are left one button short, there is no need to trouble a lovely lady over it.  It is rather simple, and here is what you need to know:

1)  Pull off enough thread to stretch from your fingers to your elbow, and thread the needle.  Pull your needle to the middle of the thread to double up the thread.  Tie a knot (like you are trying to choke the button) where the two ends of the thread come together.

2)  Put the button where you want it.  Start on the inside of the fabric, and push the needle through both the fabric and one of the holes.  Pull tight.

3)  Go back through one of the holes directly next to first hole and pull tight.  On the fabric side, cross diagonally and push through the fabric and the unused hole diagonal from the 2nd hole used.  Basically, repeat this pattern about 4 times (with the crossing taking place on the inside of the fabric).

4)  Once the button is secure, poke the needle through the fabric side, but don't go through the button.  Loop the thread around the button (like a noose) to tighten everything.

5)  When everything is tight, put the thread back to the inside of the fabric.  From here you can use the needle to go underneath some of the exposed thread and tie yourself 3 or 4 knots to hold the hole thing together.

Of course, if you are a visual learner, check out below.  There are variations, but it is basically the same.

They put those extra buttons on the inside of your shirt for a reason.  Now you can use them.

... carry a pocket knife

You may not be MacGyver, or even a Boy Scout for that matter, but that is no excuse for being unprepared.  And there is no single tool that will allow you to be prepared for more situations than a pocket knife.

Pocket knives come in many forms, and each one tells you a bit about a man.  For instance:

A Swiss Army Knife says, "Last week I borrowed the knife that my girlfriend keeps in her purse, and I must have forgotten to give it back."

An Oldtimer says, "I am a man that has an appreciation for nostalgia... I'm also too damn cheap to buy a good knife."

A Spyderco says, "I have a pocket knife, but it also kind of looks like a martial arts weapon.  So I might just be looking to kill you."

And, of course, a Buck knife says, "I have a firm handshake and strong resolve."

Now, every pocket knife is different, and it is a very personal decision.  I happen to prefer my Buck Knight that I received as a groomsman gift (thank you Mr. Pedroza), but every man needs to pick out the knife that suits him.  However, here area  few things to keep in mind:

1)  Make sure it locks - While using a non-locking blade is suitable for cutting a loose thread or popping a balloon, you never know what task you will need to perform.  Go ahead and spend the money on a lock blade.  It will come in handy sooner than you realize... plus, it will buy you some points with any ladies who have their priorities straight.

2)  Stay focused & leave it at the blade - while it can be cute to have multiple blades and various tools, it is pretty unnecessary.  Every Man Should be able to do whatever those various tools are designed to do (screwdriver, scissors, tweezers, toothpick) with a standard lock-blade pocket knife.

Unless you know exactly what you want, you should not shop for a knife online.  Go into a knife store and try them out.  You will find one that is right for you.