... know how to buy underwear.

For a lady, of course.

It is no small secret that ladies spend more time, energy, and money on their undergarments than we do. And we are very thankful for that. However, it is a fine line knowing how and when to purchase that "special gift" for your girl.

What better place to gain information on such an endeavor than a shop called Underwear? Owner Elizabeth Tigar explained that there are 3 kinds of men that come by her shop. The ones that can't even make in the front door, the kind that are way too familiar and comfortable talking about women's undergarments, and the ones that are a bit timid, but willing to ask for help. You need to be the last kind. She was also kind enough to provide some pointers, so here is what the expert has to say:

1) Don't be scared. No one will hurt you. In fact, they want you to spend money, so they will actually be nice to you. Just be confident.

2) Discreetly take a peek at the tags on her underwear. Sizes make a difference. If you aren't comfortable asking her, just look.

3) Start with something simple. The goal is to make her feel comfortable and GREAT about herself... not to simply buy something you want to see her in (contrary to popular belief). A cute nightgown is a great place to start.

4) Don't worry about the exchange. The fact is, she very well might want to take it in to exchange it for something that fits better or that she likes better. That is okay, it is the thought that counts.

5) Lastly, if in doubt, just buy her a Hanky Panky. I don't even know what this means, but all the ladies in the shop seemed to agree... So I'll just go with it.

Of course, it goes without saying that your own lady's personality and the level of your relationship are extremely important when judging what to get, but stick to Ms. Tigar's advice and you'll be on the right track.

... grow a mustache.

Mustaches are a thing of beauty. A thing of power. A love affair that every man should indulge at least once in his life. If for no other reason than... he can.

Let's face it, women work tirelessly to ensure they remove as much hair from their bodies as they can. We men, on the other hand, are able to revel in our furry coats and stubbly faces. In fact, we are celebrated because of it. Don't believe me? 3 names:

Burt Reynolds. Magnum PI. Yosemite Sam.

Let yourself in on the secret.

Know what it feels like to sit across from a woman while she shamelessly stares at your luscious lip decoration.

Tickle your tongue with your wiry whiskers.

Begin to live.

... send flowers.

Or, present them in person.  

On second thought, if possible, they should always be presented in person.

Now, this is no big secret.  Girls like flowers.  ALL girls like flowers.  I don't care if they say they don't, they do.  for several reasons.

• Girls are pretty... and soft.  So are flowers.  It is a natural fit.

• They can put them in a vase and display them in their house.  Therefore, whenever someone sees them they can brag on you.  

• Even if they say they don't like flowers, they like being appreciated.  There are few better ways to appreciate a woman than surprising her with flowers.
  

So, in my research I found out a few things that can guide us in our endeavor.  Unfortunately, one of the things I found was that all women are different.  Seriously... I couldn't believe it either, but they are.  Here are some guidelines:

1. DON'T BUY CARNATIONS!  -  This is the one thing that I heard from every single girl that I talked to.  I don't know why... don't really care.  Just don't do it.
2. "Flowers" does not always mean a dozen roses.  You have to know what will make your girl feel great.  Perhaps tulips.  Perhaps a sunflower.  Perhaps something you picked on the side of the road.  If you don't know what kind of flowers she would like, you have greater things to worry about than sending flowers.
3. Don't send flowers in the mail.  If you are not around to deliver yourself you need to pay the extra money to have a local shop drop them off.

Get to know your local florist, or start growing some in a pot because this is a trick that every man should have up his sleeve.

... read Lonesome Dove.

Captain Augustus McCrae and Captain Woodrow F. Call are my friends.  Or, perhaps they are more like my heroes.  Whatever it is, they are definitely deeply engrained into my soul.  These two former Texas Rangers are the fulfillment of everything I dreamed of being myself as I was growing up.

Now, I realize that they are simply characters that Larry McMurtry dreamed up in the 1970's, but they have lived in the pages of Lonesome Dove since that time, as well as the hearts of countless young men.

Lonesome Dove is the tale of McCrae and Call, two retired Texas Rangers that live on the Texas side of the border town Lonesome Dove.  It is the epic tale of these two cowboys, their lives together, and their last adventure together.  After a life of fighting Comanches on the Texas plains they decide to move a herd of cattle to Montana.  Along the way they come across Indians, whores, lawmen, and everything else that one would expect from the western frontier.

Of course, after you read the book you can enjoy the 8 hour mini-series that pits Robert Duvall as McCrae and Tommy Lee Jones as Call.  They took the time to do it right, and it is great... especially after you have read the book.

Lonesome Dove.  Read it.

... be able to open a beer bottle.

With something other than a bottle opener, of course.

I spent 2 wonderful months living in Mexico during the summer of 2002.  Among many things, one of the most important things I learned was ingenuity.  One day while riding the bus from Guaymas to San Carlos a little girl boarded holding a zip-lock bag full of water with a straw sticking out of it.  A homemade Capri Sun.  Genius.  I sat in my seat wishing I had been as smart as that little girl when I was her age.

Another thing that I learned... quickly, was how to open a bottle using almost any common object.  I didn't see a traditional bottle opener the entire time I lived in Mexico, and none of the bottles are twist off.  It makes perfect sense when you really think about it.  A bottle cap is attached to the bottle by clamping a tiny piece of metal around a glass lip.  By creating a simple lever anyone can pop that sucker off.

I was taught by my trusty Mexican friends that the most important thing in this process is the fulcrum.  You have to grip the top of the bottle with your full hand, anchor with your pinky, and create a fulcrum (your pointer finger) that is even with or higher than the cap itself.  Then, just grab something that won't break, wedge it under the cap, and push down.  In my observation, the most common (and easiest) things used are:

1)  A Lighter

2)  A Pocket Knife

3)  Handle end of Silver Ware

It is simple physics, and an even simpler way to open a bottle.  

... have an adequately stocked bar on hand.

There is something romantic about watching Don Draper sip whiskey from his low ball glass.  Of course, if you haven't had the pleasure of watching Mad Men, perhaps Jack Donaghy has struck that chord with you.

I have no doubt that in each of their homes (their fantasy TV homes that is) you will find an immaculately stocked bar.  Full of crystal and fancy stirring spoons.  While we don't all have the funds, or drinking habits, to allow for the full set-up, we should still have the basics.  The upfront investment will be significant, but it will pay dividends when the girlfriend's father stops by and you can offer him that gin and tonic with a confident wink.

You could go ahead and shell out a few hundy up front, or accumulate this stuff over a bit of time.  However, you should be able to accommodate most people's taste with this simple set up.

SPIRITS

Vodka

Gin

Rum

Tequila

Whiskey (Bourbon or Scotch preferably) 

ADDITIONAL SPIRITS

Vermouth (Sweet and Dry if possible)

Coffee Liqueur

ADDITIONAL BEVERAGES

Bottle of Red Wine

Bottle of White Wine

6 pack of Beer

MIXERS

Tonic 

Soda Water

Coke (Diet & Regular)

Ginger Ale

Juice (Orange/Cranberry/Tomato)

GARNISHES

Lemon

Lime

Olives

Cherries

GLASSWARE/TOOLS

Cocktail Shaker

Lowball Glasses (4)

Highball Glasses (4)

Wine Glasses (at least 4)

So, here is the deal.  This probably looks like a lot, but you more than likely have a lot of it sitting around anyway.  With the stuff above you will be able to throw together all the basics.  And the fact is, that is basically all it takes to look like a hero.

... give.

"Think of giving not as a duty but as a privilege."  - John D. Rockefeller

"I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver."  - Maya Angelou

"No one has ever become poor by giving."  - Anne Frank

Every man should give.  In his own way.  To whomever he is able.